how strange. alison was in the rothko chapel (houston) and i was in the tate (london) looking for some of his work to show my friend. he would have loved it. continents apart but looking for or at the same dead man's purples and maroons

on the way home from the gallery we drove past a car that was perpendicular to the road with it's rear wheels in our way and it's bonnet in a lamp post. as we were immediately ushered past by the police i grabbed the camera and shot this:



given the choice i would prefer to be in houston today. honest.

i haven't a clue where the egg-nog bit came from. sometimes i worry about myself.

sunday 23th september
there were definite 'brrm brrm' noises coming out of my mouth as i was dragged by the pole over the lumps of snow at the top of the slope. some people laughed, others waved and banged on windows to attract our attention. for about two hours nothing mattered as we slid, turned, had people crashing into us while we yelled pointless stupidness at each other whilst whislting past. with talk of wars, women, guitarists, holiday plans in between raucus (and, apart from funkstar, off-key) singing and the inevitable in-car 'running' from him. plenty of warm shoulders after an ugly start to the day meant i returned home a lot happier than when i'd left. a good day, a day out. the powder was very fluffy but very very bumpy. legs are suspension... probably. after our last run, me and steve had a snow fight. cold, violent and bloody funny, i can tell you.

wednesday 19th september
anyone remember this?:

with your feet on the air and your head on the ground...
try this trick and spin it, yeah.
your head'll collapse but there's nothing in it
and you'll ask yourself: where is my mind?
way out in the water see it swimming...

feels pretty good drunk, at ten past one in the morning.



tuesday 18th september
at lunchtime i was locked out of lbc - the doorman had the keys - and went on a trek to buy a book on the history of the 20th century for this thing we're doing at work. i was wondering what the safest distance is to walk behind someone; close enough to keep up a decent pace, slow enough so as not to intrude i thought, then decided to overtake. just as i moved past, turning the corner, there was brad coming toward me. we didn't speak, we just opened our arms and hugged each other, the dumpees knowing exactly what each other is feeling.

monday 17th september
i'm spending lunchtimes sitting in lbc's back seat with uncle bulgaria; the nicest part of my day. it's dark and warm and soft, all around me when i lie down.

sunday 16th september



i'm not really back.

thursday 13th, friday 14th, saturday 15th september


wednesday 12th september
'maybe later. may be not yet. maybe now - no -'
'-mmm. maybe now...'

today my little world has fallen apart. it's not a very big world, there's not usually much to say. but out of the blue, with no warning and little warm-up: bang. all gone. someone flips the trapdoor switch and woomph! down you go. at first the fall is a rush of adrenalin, something exciting and new and the next your stomch is in your lungs...

i'm okay, i'll be fine, honest, i'll do this and that and blah blah blah. the truth is i don't know what to think; i've got no snippy sound-bites, one-liners or ironic codes to share. i feel shit, inside out. i could tell something was wrong and i even asked the question. i made it easy. i wanted what was possibly the last time we'll hear or see or smell each other again to be nice, to leave as we were; as, strangely, i think we are. there seemed no other way to leave it, not without ripping the meaning from it, and anyway it was important to me to have good memories. nothing is wrong, i don't know why, but i still say i understand. i'm not ready to do this now. i'm okay single, but... i still don't understand and now i have to unravel the faith i had in our relationship. i don't want to know although i'm very curious. why? i'm pulling it apart already and all i really want to do is leave it as it is for a while.

navy street was a welcome sight. i feel like shit.

tuesday 11th september
i stopped in a newsagents at five past two on my way to a meeting, late and hungry for chocolate and a drink. a woman behind me asked the shop owner if she could pay later for whatever she'd picked. no problem, he said, and asked her if she'd seen this, pointing at a portable tv on the shelf behind the counter. he didn't say anything else. she looked round, we looked over the counter, lying across magazines, newspapers and confectionery to read the caption.

after the mind-blowing events of today, trying to shrug the image of bruce willis out of my head, i can already here the 'so, where were you when you heard they flew into the national trade center, twice? inter-generation question.

listening to the radio on the way home after seeing the internet virtually crash micheal jackson's 'smooth criminal' was cut off as soon as it hit the first chorus. tonight the flight paths in the distance are empty. i can't stop thinking that my parents are in spain and my sister is in cyprus.and bruce willis. damn you, hollywood.

monday 10th september
quietly busy at work, today. with lots of visitors. i wonder who you all are. er... hello?

sunday 9th september
i feel as though i was given one last chance to grab summer with yesterday and today's weather so i to took full advantage again. meeting stu, lou, peejay and jen (all married or soon-to-be-married) for a big sunday roast at the greyhound in dulwich village (and it is a village - like being in london and not being in london at the same time) under the huge oak tree was a breath of fresh air. even the wildlife was entertaining, with squirrels dropping half chewed conkers over us and dogs pushing football's with their nose as we walked the perimeter of the park in true middle-aged-person fashion.

i bought an ice-cream from the parked van. in september? hell yeah.

saturday 8th september
i took a leaf out of al's book. spontaneous is probably the most accurate adjective here as a day with him is nothing short of adventurous. so without giving myself the chance to do anything or go anywhere else or think about it too much i shot back to my old town cambridge, in lbc, crystal method thumping. i guessed it was duxford air show day when the lightning flew across the m11 about two hundred yards in front of me, hugging the ground. i could visualise the pilot sitting in his jet with stickers and codes splattered down the side until i reached the little house on the prairie, nestled between oaks, cedars and willows. i'm sure lbc loves the roads and the dappled light percolating the canopies more than london's bumps and traffic lights. al did what he does best: he cooked and entertained with stories, one liners ('i'm not an alcoholic; i mean i do drink, but i can stop') and wine and beer and vodka and tomato juice. he showed me his ability to wrap texture maps around data, to cook a sunday roast with more flavour than i could imagine and to remember what it was like to just do what you want, restriction free. we went to school together and cambridge is often a chance to reminisce but today we were firmly planted in the present, lauging at things in the now, making up rubbish as we went along. 'all right, mate?' (cue handshake...) 'uh, oh yeah. i'm absolutely battered...'



friday 7th september
looking at my watch, wondering what time it was, became a bit of a surprise. it was five thirty and i hadn't eaten lunch. no wonder i was hungry. no wonder i was tired. but the proposal was finished and phil and i were all smiles. days definitely disappear when your hard at work. we did well. our company will continue to do good things, i'm sure. one thing i i did spot on the phone was this, an elevated photo of a photo shoot. i don't know who it is or what it's for, but i like the not knowing, and the lines:



'i dreamt i had a motorbike, but it only had a cushion. and a gear stick next to it.' i wish i had dreams or, i wish i could remember them.

thursday 6th september
an easy night. just what i need.

wednesday 5th spetember
turns out there's another company they're seeing work from, too, so it was a pitch of sorts. this didn't make me feel much better, but hey, we've still got enough work on... if our cgi programmer ever turns up. a calmer afternoon eased my mood, helped by tiredness. it's nice to be at work relaxed instead of panicking. book your diaries, uk folks, 'cos the circus is coming to town: transmission date for onedottv_ global is september 27th. soon.

handy hints for a modern society masquerading as thing's i've realised recently:
1. go to the loo before you get in the bath or shower. if you don't need to go pre-plunge, you will as soon as you step in. then your towel is wet, too.
2. if there's washing up waiting, do it before you sit down and get comfortable. it takes more effort to get up later than when you're on your feet already.
3. don't go food shopping if you've got either a) a raging appetite, or b) a stomach so full you can hardly move. you'll either spend twice as much as normal or forget half of what you need.
4. set the alarm for an hour before you need to leave, so you get half an hour's lazing and enough time to get up and out of the house calmly.
5. spend a decent amount of money on electrical goods and buy a brand name. our landlady replaced our broken washing machine with a cheap one which broke after one wash. i'm running out of clean clothes and it's more than annoying.
6. when you change trousers, update the wallet's position. always avoids borrowing money again.
7. stop your minidisc player and put it on hold before throwing it in your bag. the next day when you're out of the house and after ten minutes' messing around with wires, there will be battery power left, not an undoing of wires and quiet "rrrgghhhh"s.
8. don't kid yourself that london is a safe city. even kids on their own will shout abuse at you for no reason.
9. putting off work doesn't help; you just end up with less time to do it later.

i'm still trying to accept that it's september.

i downloaded 'tweekend' on mp3 by the crystal method the other day - it's not released here yet (why?) - and just got round to 'discing it for the car. as albert, our yale intern said, 'yeah, they're tight'.

tuesday 4th september
being asked to do almost the same project again two years after the first, that sapped all kinds of energy and creativity, is pretty hard work. i really didn't want to hit this whirlwind after my holiday; i was trying keep the relaxed, easy going exterior up, but today i'm tired and out of time and - worse of all - ideas. the ten o'clock meeting tomorrow will probably be me showing what we've done so far knowing that i could have done better. well, i'm going to be honest and talk them through properly - you know, explaining what are good and bad about each piece and how i'd like to see them develop, asking which direction they are more likely to be looking for, asking about content. tonight's trocadero photo shoot went well, so if i'm in early enough i can finish laying them out. wish me luck.

content? i thought i was supposed to be a graphic designer, ha ha. hey, that's cheered me up a bit!

monday 3rd september
looking back with hindsight i can safely say nothing out of the ordinary or different happened today. nicely enough, today has been normal. work, lunch, squash, dinner, gt3, bed. so much has been happening recently, with holidays, work panic and much socialising that nothing special was more refreshing than any alternatives.

sunday 2nd september
once upon a time not so long ago, there were two young men walking around the shop looking for food to buy to put in their tummies. they bought lots of nice things like ice cream and buttons puddings. in fact, they bought so much that when they got home and were unpacking the clumsy one broke two glasses in under five minutes because of all the open food bags and anticipation in the kitchen.

later that afternoon the same clumsy young man was in his car on the way to the golf driving range. a skateboard slid out onto the road from behind a parked car and he drove over it, snapping it in the middle. the boy who let it slip picked up the floppy skateboard and handed it to the boy who owned it. the owner did not look happy and the young man driving felt terrible.

when they eventually arrived at the golf driving range the young men had lots of fun. they had long sticks to hit the white ball very far. they bought a hundred for five pounds and watched them fly off into the distance with a 'pwing!' sound. all of a sudden, the clumsy one cut his hand again in exactly the same spot as the last time. he should have put a plaster on his thumb.

i hate being the clumsy glass-smashing, skateboard squashing, thumb-cutting one.

saturday 1st september
exactly how, i don't know, but i'm sure england beating germany 5-1 today should have had a greater social impact than it did. i was waiting for this huge upheavel of people onto the streets and all that i experienced was a couple of cars honking their horns on the way home. looks to me like the hype of football is just that. but maybe the hype is the most exciting part.


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